The Easiest & 1st Million Dollars I Ever Made

Some foreign gentleman, evidently still in mourning, from Yeman, Chad or some damn place, is going to email me a cool million bucks with no strings attached to them.



Seems his father was Major Domo, alcalde or something over their whole country ("a head of state" is how his son in mourning put it). The father was bludgeoned to death, burned at the stake or otherwise dispatched from among the living and now, it seems, half his native country is just up in arms over the whole thing, as if this slimy politician hadn't just done the whole world, let alone his middling-sized country, a huge favor by dying, whether he was decapitated or got it in the neck in some other fashion.



Anyhow, all I had to do to get my hands on this cool million[US] that this guy's father had somehow gotten his hands on, in a completely honest way, I'm sure, was to send the son my Social Security number. That's all! Can you even believe it? I'm expecting the cash via trusty Paypal as I type this blog relating the story of my great luck to you. Life is SO SWEET! It couldn't get any sweeter than this. Then again. . . .



I was telling this certain young lady (see photo above) my story of good fortune, and it was as if she instantly wanted to be my girlfriend, my honey, my all; she's probably just a little gold-digger, but she's young enough to be my daughter and insists on calling me "Daddy," so it's quite all right with me.

You should never be too quick to delete the emails you get, the ones you just pass off as so much "spam"; you never know when some email will change your life just like it did mine. Hurry up, Paypal!

XXUnusual art of Yue Min Jun on Ebay

Elections

Tomorrow is the day so many of us put aside the fact that our politicians and would-be politicians are the scum of the country, and we hurry to the polls to vote for one or the other of them. Count me out; I have to be able to look at the guy in the mirror. Pardon me now as I go out for a quick puke at the mere thought of it all . . .

Just stay home like yours truly and do the planet a favor by saving some gas. Urp.

Beautiful gesture by my nephew

Whenever my nephew or his brother and sister would do some small favor for their grandfather (my father), Dad would always insist on giving them a dollar or two for their effort, telling them he wanted to be sure they had a little "mad money."

Dad recently passed away. When he was on view for visitation by his many friends and family members, my nephew folded a dollar bill up and placed it over the handkerchief in Dad's pocket, just so his grandfather would eternally have a little "mad money" in Heaven.

Rest in peace, Dad. We all love you and miss you.

(Photo shows Dad with Mom in pleasenter times.)

Health care reform top concern should be costs

Alzheimer's disease is going to get you. It's going to get and affect you and everyone you know, whether it's that cherished elderly relative of yours or just your pocketbook. It's going to wreck your future, somehow, due to the absurd costs of covering the expenses of it.

My elderly loved one has been in a full-time Alzheimer's care center for over a year. The cost is over $6,000 per month. There are less expensive places where we might place her; but when it comes to having a decent place for her that meets my family's standards well enough, all such places are "competitively" priced at about the same $6,000 per month.

Demand some kind of cost controls on these businesses! If you don't, Alzheimer's disease is going to completely wreck your life, even if only financially.



Grandpa's 1930's perpetual motion invention

Annoying words & phrases that must be avoided

1. step up
This is where someone, usually some sports figure, will, during this game only, actually do what he's paid to do in the first place, and we're all supposed to feel he has slayed a dragon or something like that.

2. storied
In reference to some sports stadium; for instance, "Trainer Hiram Stinkwell sure has hosed out a lot of jockstraps in this storied colliseum."

3. disrespect
Just shoot me the next time someone turns this perfectly good noun into a cringe-inducing verb, as in: "Don't disrespect me."

4. house
in referring to some sports field

5. at the end of the day
Please leave this one at the office - just not at my office, if you please.

6. harm's way
Good lord, whatever this abstract-made-concrete word harm means, please give it wide berth, plenty of leeway, lots of elbow room. Just do not get in its path!

7. nother level
Often achieved in a "storied house" (see above); for instance, when some ballplayer is "Gonna take things to a whole nother level," instead of being his usual mediocre self.

8. swagger
This usually has to do with how some sports figure comports himself while locomoting somewhere on some sports field. It's not clear if said player has to take things to a whole nother level before he's allowed to locomote this way (see above.)

9. opportunity
Count how many times former Dallas Cowboys Darryl Moose Johnston says this, or one of its derivatives, in a game he's announcing. Sometimes he waxes lyrical with, for instance, something like this, and I paraphrase: "It was very opportunistic of that young man to take advantage of that opportunity because opportunities like that don't come around very often in this league." Seriously, if you count them, you might have more points than your favorite team by halftime.

10. get
As in: "Barabara Walters landing the exclusive interview with Ice Bucket was a great get!," after which we are supposed to get all jazzed up about hearing this person Q & A'd.

XXBeatles picture sleeves on Ebay